From High of Marijuana to antidepressants.. Love has its own ways

Luckily for me I got posted in Gurgaon which is not very far off from IIT where Surbhi was putting up. She got into the course of her liking MSC bio chemistry. Our meetings grew more frequent and intense, now even money was not a factor as I was earning quite well and we were living an extravagant live spending lavishly on our dates. From McDs and Barsitas we started visiting Costa Coffee and luxurious restaurants. We also explored restaurants on Pandara road, our favorite off course was Gulati’s, a sumptuous meal followed by the famous tilla kulfi which we relished so much. It all seemed surreal and we were having a blast.

It was 24th of Feb, 2012 her 25th birthday, and I decided to surprise her with something colossal, Citibank offers car loans at very less interest rates to their employees and the moment my training period got over I became eligible for car loan. I applied for it and it was sanctioned without much hassles. I bought a brand new glistening cherry red Honda City.

I wanted to astonish her on this special day, and parked my red chariot outside Hyatt wherein I was throwing a grand party for her birthday. I invited her to Hyatt at Bhikaji where everything was flawlessly arranged by me much to her liking. I had already arranged her favorite chocolate cake. There were hell lot of options to choose from there on but we went to Chinese kitchen, offering a stylised interpretation of the traditional Chinese dining experience. The restaurant comprised of four sections including: an open kitchen that is encountered immediately on entering the restaurant, five skilfully designed private dining rooms, the wine wall and tea bar, and the dining area. It is the best Chinese restaurant in Delhi which offers delicious signature Chinese delicacies ranging from Peking Duck and Beggar’s Chicken to hand-pulled and dan-dan noodles accompanied by a host of sumptuous desserts. The private dining rooms, a unique high point of the restaurant, have been named after the provinces of China, which incidentally also point to the chefs’ origins – Sichuan, Hubei, Guangzhou, Anhui and Hunan.

I had methodically arranged everything and was eagerly waiting to astound my babe and quarter to 8.00 PM enter into the scene hot and ravishing Surbhi Maheshwari, wao, she looked gorgeous in all black short skirt, those skirts were getting shorter by the day, crop top and pencil heeled sandals. She had her hair neatly tied making it difficult for me to take my eyes off her. She looked stunning to say the least.

After having our sumptuous meals and dessert, it was time for me to astound her with lavish gifts, I called the valet driver to bring in the vehicle, Surbhi looked at me totally bemused.

Samarth whose car is this

Ours darling”, I said rather smugly as our brand new red chariot entered the portico shining ever so brightly.

That’s was not all I had brought a special gold plated burberry watch for her and she was totally flattered by my magnanimity in showering her with these expensive gifts which she always longed for but and that sparkle in her eyes on receiving those gifts made my entire labor worthwhile.

We were enjoying some of the most memorable times of our lives; but Surbhi was a free willed creature she wanted to explore even more. She had lots of male friends as well and they frequently visited bars and lounges in Hauz Khas village. During one such visit she passed out and had to be brought to hostel by her friends. On knowing this I got furious and decided to confront her.

Surbhi!! What is it?. I have never objected to you going out with friends but you getting totally drunk is unacceptable”

And pat came her reply after which just couldn’t say anything further

“I wanted to free some vodka from the bottles in which it was incarcerated, that was my only intention

I was dumbstruck and couldn’t say anything further and we both ended up laughing off the matter. But this was not the only argument we had, slowly but surely I could find that both of us were drifting apart, she wanted to spend more time with her friends. Even though we were together and enjoyed each other’s company but something started to go awry. The zing in the relationship was gone. I first noticed that something is amiss when I visited her hostel in IIT Delhi. She was staying in Himadri girls hostel, each hostel is self-contained with a mess, common room, reading room, indoor games room, gym and other such facilities. The rooms are provided with internet through a 10 Mbps leased line. There is a Warden-in-charge of every hostel. An elected student body with House Secretary, Mess Secretary, Cultural Secretary, Sports Secretaries, and Secretaries for various functions and along club representatives run the hostel functions and ensure that the stay in hostel is memorable for the students.

There I also met Rajiv Mishra from Shivalik hostel who also happened to be her classmate and Neha Singh both it seemed were not too amused on seeing me.

Rajiv Mishra was a small guy about 5’4” from Azamgarh in eastern Uttar Pradesh. To me he seemed more like those malnourished children who haven’t been fed by their parents.

“Hi. I said cheerfully. How are you doing??

“Yeah hi “, he replied with grimace on his face.

After we exchanged niceties he asked me

“Hey do you know Aman?

I was taken aback by this sudden mention of Aman

“No!! I mean who is he”

“Oh Man he is a great chap.. he is the hero of our campus “

Aman I came to know was their senior

We chit chatted for a while and then bid all of them good bye

In the evening I got a call from Surbhii,. I could not hide my excitement and blurted out

“ what do your friends had to say about me?”

Well they did not say much. But I heard Rajiv talking to Neha saying Samarth and Surbhi don’t look good together”

That came as a bolt from the blue but I was unperturbed by what this Rajiv from Azamgarh thinks about me. What will he understand about love but may be it was sign of things to come which I could not fathom at that moment. From that point on things started deteriorating. Our fights were getting more frequent and the special moments that we shared were getting very lesser.

Then one night, it was a dark Saturday night, after finishing off my work, I decided to surprise Surbhi. I took off from my office in Gurgaon and went straight towards her hostel and called her telling her that I am waiting outside.. But I got a very feeble response

Yeah I am coming” that verve in her voice on giving her these pleasant surprises has turned into dullness. She came out and greeted me with coldness.

Why have you come at this odd time I was occupied with some work” she was furious

All rite I know you are busy but I thought we could spend a few cozy moments together, we are not having a great time of late

“I wish I could “she rather said nonchalantly.

All my enthusiasm fizzled out and I felt quite weak, this was for this first time that I felt things are not fine between us. I stayed there for hardly an hour or so and just as I was getting ready to leave in came in Aman. He was about 5’10” very lean and dark, sort of guy who dance at the back stage without nobody even noticing them He was wearing this red shirt and black trousers which made his complexion looked even darker. He spoke in broken English “ Hi Surbhi” I was standing nearby only

Hi !! let me introduce you to Samarth

Surbhi always talks about you “,

Nice to meet you Aman” I was not amused by his antics

I shook hands with him, a rather feeble handshake. He had black lips and stench from his mouth suggested he was a heavy smoker

Yeah I know that day Rajiv Mishra was talking about you.”

I felt quite uncomfortable on Aman appearing at this juncture. He looked that sort of guy who would run around girls to get their attention but would never get any.

I waved Surbhi good bye and approached towards my car with all these thoughts about Aman flooding thru my mind, what was this jerk doing with Surbhi so late in the night? What was that malnourished Rajiv saying? All these thoughts made me jittery but then within 15 minutes of me getting into the car Surbhi called me and allayed all my fears but alas things were that easy as they seem to be.

We were drifting apart every day, our meetings lessened and even I was also getting irritated by Surbhi’s new tantrums. It was 3rd of April and I had some days off, so I decided to visit Chandigarh to catch up with some of my old buddies. While returning I called Surbhi and one of my worst fears came true, she hesitantly replied

Smarth when are you coming back”

Today itself” I said rather joyfully

We need to discuss something which you are not going to like”

I had the inkling of what’s coming up next and said

“ I am listening go ahead ” She paused for a moment and said “ I want to end this relationship” I had the inkling but never thought that it will come like this

I felt as if I have been crushed underneath the tyres of bus in which I was travelling. I felt as if there are thousands of such buses which have passed over me crushing my back , legs my feet and I am lying on the road with my eyes popping out.

But Surbhi”!!, I maintained my composure there were other passengers sitting nearby,

“What happened all of a sudden, We can talk about it I know we shall sort out all our differences.

There’s nothing to talk about it’s over,

she blurted out rather bluntly. Her words seemed liked a spear which pierced straight thru my heart , I was traumatized, overcame with emotion I just couldn’t utter a word further.

I pleaded her to meet me once. After repeated exhortations she finally relented and we met for the one last time on that fateful day on 7th of April. I went to her hostel driving my Honda city dash board of which was adorned by the small statue of Ganehsji which she had specifically brought for me. I counselled her, I tried to reason with her but she was not willing to listen.

She curtly said

I am already in a relationship with Aman and I am sick and tired of your probing ways, I felt so suffocated with you, being with Aman is so liberating and that day the day when you came to my hostel, I was so vulnerable and needed support and Aman supported me and both of us could not control our urges. I wanted Aman to be my side and we also consummated our relationship that night. We are very much in love and I don’t have any feelings for you”.

That was the last nail in the coffin. I just could not speak anything further. It was as if I have been stabbed a million times. I was totally numb.

With years rolling down my eyes, I requested her to drop her home one last time to which she agreed, we barely talked enroute , we were near her house ,she brought her mouth closer to me maybe to give me one last chance to kiss her but I just couldn’t. I saw her getting out of my car and leave for her home. I kept staring at her till the time she disappeared from eyes completely. She was gone never to return back ever again.“O” God How could you do this to me? My Surbhi was gone. The girls who I loved with all my heart and soul was gone… Pain, Pain and more pain was what was left.

That was the last time I ever saw her, I waited for her to completely disappear from my eyes Surbhi was leaving me never to come back ever again. That fateful day, I cried a hoarse, I could not share my grief with anybody but there were some of my friends who I could share this pain.

I felt excruciating pain, which was just not going away. I had cramps in my stomach and shooting pain in my heart, sort of pain which was affecting every part of my body. I hoped that this will go away after some days but it was becoming unbearable by the day.

I snapped up all contacts with her, deleted her pictures from my phone, threw away all the gifts which she gave me. I tried everything possible but that unbearable pain was still persisting ,finally I decided to consult a psychiatrist at Apollo and he gave me some medicines which were helpful. I could sleep after some 15 days of insomnia. Things were getting better but ever so slowly. I decided to consult doctors at Vimhans PrimaMed super speciality hospital , I started taking the treatment at Vimhans and was put on high dosage of anti-depressants. Counselling sessions also continued for some months where in I was trained to relax my mind . My job in Citibank was suffering as well and I was not able to concentrate, I took off for ten days and went to the hills of kasuali but the lonliness I felt there was killing. Meanwhile my treatment was continuing. I was taking my anti depressants Schizopin regularly. Gradually I started to improve and things were getting back to normal albeit ever so slowly.

I was brought to my senses by my phone which was ringing incessantly, I quickly picked up the phone and could barely speak when I heard Garima squeaking “Hello, you are late again Smarath!! We have to take Anushka’s for vaccination”

“No, I am on my way” I said rather meekly.” I had completely forgotten that I had to take my little Anushka for vaccination today

“without much further ado, I turned on the ignition and zipped passed the red light as my little princess and my adorable wife were waiting for me.

@ 2017 All Right reserved by Siddhartha Dua

This is a pure work of fiction and any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental


  1. I must really appreciate the narration of thoughts in words. Reading the story I was able to craft myself into it a d feeling that I was a part the characters published. It surely will be a dream that someday I achieve something for society change and request your ink to mark my efforts in words.

  2. Thanks Manish bro. Your words are so encouraging. I really appreciate from the bottom of my heart.

  3. Waiting for the day when we rush to the library to grab your new addition.
    Keep up the good work & keep surprising us…

  4. This is heartrending, and so aptly described. I recognis those feelings, and the pain and the stabbing. You write so well

    1. Thanks so much for the lavish praise. There are very few people who actually read and give an honest feedback.

      1. You are so welcome. I know what you mean. I have the same problem. Please keep writing the way you do, and get that book published. It is hard to get books, poems etc published here in England. Is it hard where you live?

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